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Saturday, 14 April 2018

Speak Up, Step Up. #MeToo




They say if you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything. I have always stood firmly for things I believe in such as kindness, justice, fairness, etc. When it comes to the events playing around us in recent times, we cannot just keep quiet and “unlook” simply because it doesn’t affect directly. We must stand for what is right lest we fall for all the ills and wrongs occurring around us in the world. If we keep silent while evil is being perpetrated around us, then we are just as guilty as those who do these evil things.



If you’re wondering what the rant in the paragraph above is, it is as a result of the recent ousting of a randy, lecherous and nefarious Professor in Obafemi Awolowo University. He was caught on tape negotiating sex-for-marks with a female student of his. He has been at this for over two decades now, yes I carried out a research on him. I have close family members who were affected in the past by this same professor. He would ask them for sex and then give them an “F” is they failed to comply. For some of them, it took another lecturer “pleading and cajoling” him to let them eventually have an “E” where they clearly should have scored “A’s and B’s”. 



His is not an isolated case, as I have experienced such first-hand in the past, and discovered the harrowing experiences of others along the line too. While I don’t doubt that there are some students who approach lecturers for sex-for-marks, the truth is that SEVERAL lecturers are GUILTY of sexual harassment. The first time this happened to me, I was 18 years old and wearing an oversized long-sleeved shirt and a pair of capri pants. The outfit I had not has never left my memory because I kept looking at myself over to see if I brought on this lecherous man’s advances. He was not even my lecturer at the time, all he came to do was to supervise a test inside the Amphi theatre and now, in hindsight, maybe also to prey on innocent young students. He passed  comment about how he was captivated by my eyes and asked me to come see him in his office when I was done writing my test. I was young and sassy with a sharp mouth so I immediately asked him for the reason for the “visit” to his office and this pissed him off. He threatened to tear my script if I did not cooperate and said he’ll say he caught me cheating. Just like that. I was EIGHTEEN years old.



Notice I said “the first time this happened to me”, because this issue of sexual harassment repeated itself over the many years I spent in that school. I attended lectures and studied with fear and trepidation because I had all sorts of lecturers in different departments blatantly bugging me for sex. I REFUSED to succumb but it was not an easy walk in the park. I was a CHILD and they were meant to TEACH and MENTOR me not attempt to ruin my life and trust in humanity. Under NO condition should a lecturer impose his illicit desires on his students, male or female alike. They are meant to guide us and prepare us for life after graduation. I had a lecturer order me into his office and then proceed to cry as he said “Bukola, your eyes are tormenting me”. I fleetingly considered gouging out my eyes because it seemed to be the cause of my problems with these men but I know better now that my alleged enchanting eyes did not make these men behave like a pack of wild animals on Viagra. They are solely responsible for their behaviours because control of one’s desires lies completely with the individual and not their victims. It’s ALL on them. 

I did not even realise how traumatized I was by it all until a few weeks ago when the issue was raised in a group I’m in. The lackadaisical way some people swept the issue aside got me so angry and upset that I cried and cried before pulling myself together to go into my office and commence my work for the day. The issue again came up today and it set me off again. When such issues are being addressed to be rectified, one can't but gore certain oxen. 

I know a lot of ladies want to come out and speak on these ills in our society but cannot because they either bowed to the pressure back then are equally traumatized and are afraid of being stigmatized from it all. I know a lot of guys also want to speak on this issue but because they served as pimps for those lecherous lecturers or blindly saw them as heroes for being able to wield their powers and get the girls they themselves couldn’t. Whatever your reason for sitting on the fence on these matters if you fall into the two categories I listed above, I don’t judge you for it. I would only ask you to fight for what’s right because when such things are left unsaid and left to fester, the results are usually disastrous in the nearest future. I have children and I’ll be damned if anyone tries to bully them into submission in any way. I will defend my kids with my last blood. 

I will speak my truth out and stand firm for what’s right because I lived through the horrors but came out victorious in not yielding to the persistent and intense pressure. Spare me the preaching of leaving this fight to God or Karma, they’ve both sent me to fight the fight and bring back sanity to others. The fact that something wrong is done over and over again does not make it right. Change your mind-set and open your eyes to see that we cannot keep sugar-coating and excusing the evil occurrences around us. Mind you, even beyond the schools, sexual harassment happen in the work-places and religious houses as well. Being a woman is hard but still we rise.


This is not going to be the last I would be writing on this issue and on my experiences on sexual harassment. Perhaps, just perhaps, I will find my mental and emotional healing in the process of baring my mind and speaking on this cruel act.  





Sunday, 1 April 2018

Random Musings And My SA Trip

When the sun is your beauty filter..... :) 
Hi everyone, it's been a looooooong minute and a half, hasn't it? Happy Easter to all those celebrating Christ's rising today. My sincerest apologies for my long silences here, but if it's not one thing, it's another. I've been swamped with work and business but never once has a day passed without me thinking and wishing I could pen down my thoughts frequently like I used to. I miss writing and I've missed all my readers and blog visitors.



Well here I am again, whoop whoop. I took a few days off work for a brief visit to South Africa and I intended to write everyday until I return to Nigeria. Alas, I couldn't keep up with that but at least I got some much needed rest. One remarkable thing that happened to me on this trip was finally meeting an old friend of mine. Tash and I and a bunch of others were part of a Hi5 group called BBB (if you don't know the social media app called Hi5 from many years ago, way before Facebook existed, then I cannot help you o. LOL) The group comprised of different people from different countries, religions, backgrounds and cultures. It was incredible. We were part of that group as far back as 2005 and even though some of us have kept in touch over the years, we lost contact with others. Now, Tash and I have kept touch via other social media apps over the years but I only just met her for the first time on this trip. It felt like I've known her all my life though. I hear when people say it's not possible to make real friends with those you meet online but I think that's poppycock because I met some of my closest friends now via social media and they are absolute gems. (Shoutout to my main girl Eghe-RuthπŸ˜»πŸ’.

Tash and I 😍😍😍



I've been staying around Sandton in Johannesburg and I tell you, South Africa is a beautiful country. Dare I say, even more beautiful that London, if you can envision it. While I gushed about how beautiful and well laid-out Johannesburg is, everyone keeps saying I haven't seen a beautiful place to behold until I visit and see Cape-town. Wawu!!! I cannot wait to visit Cape-town then. πŸ˜πŸ˜€


Trip to Soweto

Nigerian Embassy, Ilovo Street Sandton

Everything works over here, the roads are smooth and clearly marked, the lights haven't blinked for a second and all the streets are well lit at night, no litters and filth on the streets or by the roadside, there are no irritating noises from horn-mad drivers and the peace cannot be put into mere words.



Mandela Square, Sandton



I visited the Rosebank Mall, Sandton City Mall, Madela Square and a few other places. I also paid a visit to late Nelson Mandela's house in Soweto and was also shown around the famous Vilakazi Street past the Orlando school where late Hector Pieterson and his other school mates carried out the tragic protest in 1976 and past the spot where Hector lost his life. His memorial has been well preserved over the years.





Of course, aside from resting and touring, I also tried out their local cuisine and was so impressed at how delicious some of the meals were that I had extras. I especially liked the tripe sauce at Sakhumzi Restaurant in Soweto, it was sort of like goat meat peppersoup but without the hot pepper and extra thick. I am very openminded when it comes to trying new cuisine in any country I find myself. I don't see the reason why anyone should travel several thousand miles away from home and not immerse themselves into the culture of the country they are visiting. No rice for me when I can try other stuff I've never had.  πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹

A bit of everything on the buffet table. :)
Seeing how the system here is, I cannot but wonder how our leaders travel to other countries around the world and do not feel plagued by guilt or motivation to replicate the functioning systems they see abroad. One thing I know for sure is that we are only referred to as "The Giant of Africa" by mere mouth. There's nothing giant about us in terms of infrastructure, basic amenities, regard for human lives and rights, etc. The only thing giant about us is our vast population and our abilities to suffer and smile through it, you might call it our resilience spirit. πŸ˜¬πŸ˜’


I will miss South Africa and I hope I can return soon. I sincerely hope we can get things right someday soon in Nigeria. Until then, keep shinning, keep smiling and keep being #AllHeartsAlways to the needy around you.


Sunday, 11 February 2018

Amazing Gifts To Give This Season


If you have no idea of what to get your loved ones this season, we've got you covered. We have amazing and classy gifts for both sexes that wouldn't break your account.

Have a look........



Valentine Banner, Jumbo Valentine Card, Bathrobe, His & Hers Key Rings, Champagne Bucket, Bottle of wine, I-love-you Teddy Bear, His & Hers Mug With Mini Teddy, Magic Make-up Mirror With Lights, Diffuser, Hair Straighter Brush, Helium Balloon  (I-love-you) Travel Make-up Bag. All these for just N40,000. 😍



Big Helium Balloon, Jumbo Love Card, Heart-Shaped Pillow, His & Hers Key Rings, Champagne Bucket, Teddy Bear, Hair Straightener Brush, Diffuser, Bottle of Wine. All these for just N28,000. 😍



Bathrobe, Helium Balloon, Heart-Shaped Pillow, His & Hers Key Rings, Teddy Bear, Champagne Bucket, Set of Mugs With Teddy His & Hers, Magic Make-up Mirror with Lights, Diffuser, Jumbo Valentine Card. 
All these for just N35,000. 😍


Jumbo Valentine Card, Champagne Bucket, Heart-Shaped Pillow, His & Hers Key Rings, Mug Set With Teddy, Helium Balloons, Diffuser, Bottle of Wine. All these for just N25,000. 😍

No more tacky gifts for the guys either when we have these array of classy goodies for them. Take a look......



Bathrobe, Shoe Shine Accessories, His & Hers Key Rings, Whiskey Ball Ice-Tray, Champagne Bucket, Bar Accessory Set, Heart-Shaped Pillow, His & Hers Mug Set With Teddy, Jumbo Valentine  Card, Travel Fabric Steamer (Wrinkle Remover on Clothes) All these for just N40,000. 😍


Shoe Shine Accessories, His & Hers Key Rings, Whiskey Ice Balls Tray, Champagne Bucket, Bar Accessory Set, Heart-Shaped Pillow, His & Hers Mug Set With Teddy, Jumbo Valentine Card. All these for just N27,000. 😍



His & Hers Key Rings, Champagne Bucket, Bar Accessory Set, Heart-Shaped Pillow, His & Hers Mug Set With Teddy, Jumbo Valentine  Card, Bottle of Wine. All these for just N20,000. 😍


To place your orders for these beauties, kindly contact Shade on 08127038631 and give the code "BUKI's BLOG" to get them at these prices or less. Have a lovely Valentine's Day ahead.


Saturday, 10 February 2018

New Look, New Outlook.


Hello dearest blog visitors. Trust you are all doing great. I know I said I was going to be more active on my blog and all that but you know how man proposes and God disposes? Yeah, that sort of happened to me and I am still reeling at the hand life doled me.




I lost a dear friend to the cruel and ever grasping hands of death. His death has left a huge void in the hearts of his loved ones and it's even more painful that his demise could have been avoided, alas Nigeria happened. πŽ•His death shook me to my very core and it opened my eyes to many more things. You see, Chiedu was an absolutely amazing human being with a large heart. His heart was pure and he did good and touched lives in many ways, positively.


Seeing how he was alive and hearty one minute and gone the next makes me realise afresh that no one is promised tomorrow. I will write complete a full post on him someday. 😒😒 Life is too short and very often it deals hard cruel blow. Why not just let go of grudges and live your life in better ways?



Don't let bad attitude or grudges stop you from getting on and enjoying life as should be. Live well, help others, dance daily, smile always, love wholly, laugh genuinely, be happy and make others around you happy and satisfied.


I took a step forward and changed the look of my blog. I've had the old look for over three years now and I suppose it is overdue a change. I hope you all like it. Do let me know if there are other things you would like to see on the blog or anything you want me write about.

I'm all about changes for the better from now on. I choose to see the positive in every situation thrown at me or in whichI find myself. I choose to see the glass half full and to utilise its contents.

I choose joy.




Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Better Late Than Never.


Happy New Year to all my wonderful and faithful blog visitors 😘, to the once-in-a-whilers πŸ˜‰ and to the newbies too🌹.  

I have missed you all and while you might wonder if I've only just gotten the "New Year memo", I'd love to say no but I deliberately left this post till today, the 9th day of the new year 2018 just to let you know that it's whenever YOU choose to say good morning that your dawn begins. 𝨾𝨿😊

This new year, I have decided to choose JOY, to be true to myself and relish each day as it comes, laughter, challenges and all. I have chosen to count my blessings and name them one by one all the time and to live life to the fullest, so help me God. 

We can only aim and hope for progress and happiness in all we do, while trying to avoid trouble and challenges, but truth is there will be challenges that will pop up unavoidably. However, how we handle and respond to these are what will help us overcome them and make us stand out AND ensure we remain standing strong by the last day of this new year.

So dare I say to you reading this, in this year, do better, aim higher, work harder and smarter and be more positive in your thoughts and actions then sit back and watch things fall in place for you.

I wish you all the very best in all your endeavours this year 2018.

Keep being #AllHeartsAlways



Wednesday, 13 December 2017

Just Say It Loud.





I just read a couple of tweets where one of my followers wrote about how he intended to call his brother to wish him a happy birthday and also tell him how much he loves him and how he inspires him. When he did make the call, he just couldn’t tell him all these so he wished him a happy birthday and dropped a word of advice. 


If you know Twitter well, you’ll know they didn’t let it slide. Someone even asked him how he could share with thousands of strangers but couldn’t tell same to the person that mattered the most, his younger brother. Another tweep went ahead to call the brother and relayed the message and then some, lol. 

It got me thinking about how perhaps being embarrassed, shy, macho, egotistical or even “Nigerian” makes so many people miss out on the finer things and moments in life. Why do we shy away from our own emotions at the expense of those we truly love? Is it really so tough to tell people exactly how we feel, when we feel so or do we shy away from being rejected or laughed at?



Sometimes, the smallest gestures are what the next person needs to get through the day or even to get on in life. A little heartfelt encouragement here and a truthful declaration of how you feel about those you care about goes a long way. I asked a cleaner at work to do something today and when she came back to show me the result achieved, I was on a phone call and so I held the phone to my ear and gave her two thumbs up. Her whole face lit up and she gave me the brightest smile I’d ever seen on her face. I almost cried and I’ve been marveling at her reaction to my thumbs up gesture since then. Incredible stuff, I tell you. 


The sooner we all realize like there’s no better moment than the present because life is just too short, the better for us all. While you can, live, love, forgive, dance, appreciate all those around you and don’t leave till tomorrow, what you can do today. Pick up your phone and make that call or send that text. Open your mouth, eyes and heart and let those you love and care about know how you feel. Sometimes, it's more for them than you. Don't lose your moments. 



Be #AllHeartsAlways especially this season. πŸ’“πŸ’–πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’›πŸ’œπŸ’

Sunday, 10 December 2017

No Always Means NO!!!!!





No means NO.

It hurts me that in this day and age, we still must explain and hope people understand that when a person says NO to having sex with another, it actually means just that, NO. Sometimes, no might not even mean never but it definitely means not now. I've read and heard about how some men have gotten down to have sex with some chic they met or what not and then when she takes off her panties, they immediately decline because they feel the odour emanating from her nether regions are offensive to them. 

No means NO.


Now, imagine them being forced to have with sex with the girl in question regardless. He said no and went about his way and this is ok, so why force a girl to have sex with you after she says no? Why do you feel the need to convince someone who rejected you from the onset, even if she "didn't mean to say no"

No means NO.


Imagine also constantly seeing several adverts for a nice classy luxury car, the sort you feel you really deserve but know you cannot afford. Day in, day out, you see the advert for this vehicle flash across all your social media platforms, on TV, radio and even on billboards on your way to and from work. Then one day, you come across a showroom and there sits the car of your dreams, spinning and all shiny. You walk up to the sales person and request to see the vehicle up close and they oblige you. You walk around it, stunned at the sheer beauty and luxury of this really cool and awesome vehicle. You run your hands along the fender and marvel at the amount of technology, style and beauty that's gone into every detail of the car. You ask to sit inside it and again, they oblige you. The soft but solid leather seat welcomes and envelopes you as you sink into it's lushness. The combined smell of new leather and wood tickle all your senses and then you request to take it out for a short spin and they say NO.

What do you do then seeing as you cannot afford to buy the car and it is NOT yours to have? Would you forcefully drive the car out of the showroom or would you respectfully get your butt out of the car, keep admiring from a distance and save towards owning one?

No means NO.

It's so easy to blame girls who find themselves in a man's apartment and get raped but the truth is that NO means NO. Things could happen, plans can go awry and one might find oneself in the same house/room with someone they do not want to have sex with. You never can even begin to imagine how events can lead up to such a moment but it does happen, regardless of if they have a partner or what not. When you want to have sex with someone and they decline, leave them be. Don't let lust drive you to the point of rape. You are an adult with a brain, use it to control your urges no matter the temptation laid before you. Exercising self control just might be what stops you from destroying a person's life and getting a prison sentence for it or even worse, an STI or death..

No means NO.

Saturday, 9 December 2017

#BlogFeaturePost: A Case For Intelligence And Non-Intelligence




Hello everyone, here is a new writer on this platform called Sensi. Sensi is a budding but passionate writer. His articles and views are his own experiences and opinions and they are very interesting and enlightening. 

If you would like your written articles featured in my #BlogFeaturePost columns, kindly send them in to bukiotuyemi@gmail.com.

_______________________________________________________________________
Science has been a major proponent of intelligence being most important in the race for survival of any species. No wonder then that a monstrous premium has been put on the need for evolution of intelligence as an unquestionable yardstick for the perpetuation of filial generations to come.

Brute force and humongous physiology has all been flung out of the window and with the proverbial water, bath and even the baby discarded in this case. It is not the strongest that survive, it is the most adaptable to change. Adaptability doesn’t necessarily equate intelligence, although a case could be made for a threshold modicum of the latter for the former to even exist.


Looking at evolution and the lineage of fauna here on earth and using the Old Down Under (Australia) as a case in point, the mega-fauna started the downward spiral of disappearance/extinction in about exactly the same time as man first stepped on the shores of the land of Oddities. Size in this case, was not a criterion for excellence. The size of even the biggest of men is even incomparable to some of the least humongous of these terrestrial giants and yet, man triumphed, albeit ruthlessly and destructively. Coming over to man as an example, the question is asked – Does size arrogate intelligence? Was Goliath of Gath probably the most intelligent man ever?  I am sure the answer to this poser is unequivocal with no jot of ambivalence.

 It has been known that it is easy to tell an intelligent man but nigh on impossible to tell him much.   Self-conceit and surety of convictions is a few characteristics of such people. In the race for survival, dogma and obstreperous attitudes are usually catastrophic. The ability to morph, camouflage to reflect the surrounding environment (be it the deep jungles of the amazon in Latin America or the corporate labyrinths on Wall Street) is of great import. The ability to mirror the surrounding should of necessity be facile. The world around us is more concerned with outputs (appearances, words and facial expressions) than what lies inside. Being a make-believe world, care must be taken not to mimic and incorporate the wrong knowledge because the inner sanctum could be another ballgame entirely. 

Were, say, a teenager to have fallen asleep in the late 80’s and woken up in the present time, to the pings/sleekness of ‘actually’ mobile phones, the  fine HD, UHD, K televisions the world would have seem to such an individual, quite unfamiliar.

This 80’s Rip Van winkle would have blanched at the race for nascent and upcoming technologies whose appellatives defy common sense. But then, these technologies actually do defy common sense in the way they perform and operate.  Such technologies include augmented reality, artificial intelligence etcetera. At the risk of coming across as a Luddite, let us take a second to digest what these words mean, it means to amplify real life - how does one even do that, how? Those concerned with ersatz pursuits/situations, fixations about being abreast and actually enjoying latest technologies churned out by the West are in for a shocker in the upcoming years. It really is the information age, as such mobile phones, TVs; social media are avenues of peddling information no matter how suggestive and manipulative such communications are. Nevertheless, sometimes to willfully resist will be adjudicated as a sign of rebellion.  The onus is on each individual to be able to discern where to draw the line and resist the bandwagon effect; moderation as they say is the key to life.

Adaptability is of a higher value than intelligence, ability to adjust in a given situation/niche in itself is a representation/sign of intelligence.

Intelligence in this world we live in entails resisting the manufactured consensus, to exalt the unknown, to not be overly curious about the latest ‘things’– whatever that represents. I do not assume to be the wisest tree in a thicket of folly but it is meet to give birth to these words and thereby purge my system.


Thanks and cheers.
Article Written by : Sensi.