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Contact: bukiotuyemi@gmail.com

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Blog Give-Away While Mingling



Yes, you read right. There is a piping hot giveaway right here on B.O.B (that's Buki Otuyemi Blog, for the newbies;) and it is a delicious one. Whoop Whoop. 


First of all, remember the post I did here about The Twitter Grub Mingle happening live in Ikoyi on the 1st of October? Well, The Cake Mayor would be there as well with lots of goodies for everybody coming. 

Even better is the promise of ONE free pack of Chocolate Cake Covered In Shaved White Chocolate as pictured below. YUM!!!! (Are you salivating yet? LOL)

A tasty pack for the winer!!!!! :)

Ok, so it's pretty easy to be the winner of this free pack of yummy treat, all you need do is follow @CakeMayor on Twitter, be the fourth to leave a comment on this post, and then attend the event on the d-day to pick up your cake!!!!

Easy like a grub mingle. :) 

Don't forget to follow the hashtag #TheTwitterGrubMingle to view the other lush delicacies that would be on display and for sale on the 1st of October.

Good luck and see you there.

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Peek some cakes made by the CakeMayor himself. :)



I watched him make this Angry Birds cake. Absolutely captivating and creative.  :)













About Last Night....... #MySexuality



The tweet session on Child Sexual Abuse and what we as parents/guardians held last night and it was very well received. I was up until about 1am replying people who had tuned in. It was pretty educative and insightful and it goes to prove that these societal issues need to be addressed more often because so many people are hurting in silence, traumatised by their experiences.

The highlight of the night for me was being able to learn that there is a place here in Nigeria where victims of sexual and domestic violence can get free therapy almost instantly. Therapy goes a long way in ensuring healing from the pains, no matter how long it has been or how fresh it is. Please visit http://jacknjillive.com/therapy/ to find out more. Thank you.

I have compiled the tweets I sent out last night and I will post them below. Please share and learn from the information. We cannot afford these societal ills to carry on while we bury our heads in the sand and deny they exist



·        Child sexual abuse occurs when a parent or guardian fails to protect a child against sexual abuse either through their actions or inactions #MySexuality

·        Child sexual abuse can occur in places such as your home, in schools, in religious homes, on the streets, etc #MySexuality

·        The effects of a sexual abuse on a child can range from physical to emotional to mental and so on. It is very traumatizing #MySexuality

·        Often we find out that a lot of people who were abused as children find it hard to recover from the traumas #MySexuality

·        While some people can find strength within and move on with their lives, others simply cannot #MySexuality

·        It is not only adults who abuse children, sometimes adolescents, and even other children can/do #MySexuality

·        Ensure you do not leave your children with other people (male, female, strangers, family) without proper supervision #MySexuality

·        I know a young man who was abused by his aunt from the age of 7 until he was 13. #MySexuality

·        Yes, you read that right. His mother’s sister had sex with him for years #MySexuality That is child abuse.

·        I remember a tenant of ours groped me once. He was much older and should have known better. #MySexuality

·        My parents were home that night but he timed it such that we were alone on our stairway. No one saw anything. I never told. #MySexuality

·        My parents still have no clue about it till date. Well, I’m sure when they see this, it will come up. #Cringes #MySexuality

·        He did not rape me. He did not feel me up my skirt. He kissed me on the stairway. It was my first kiss. I was 12. He was older. #MySexuality

·        He should have known better than to do that. I sort of shut it out of my memory until I was drafting these tweets tonight #MySexuality

·        My parents would be so hurt to know this. They trusted him. I called him "uncle". We all called him "uncle". #MySexuality

·        So many young ladies and men have been abused by those whom their parents trusted as well #MySexuality

·        Sex abuse in children does not only include penetration, it involves fondling, exposing yourself in front of kids, sex trafficking, sex talks #MySexuality

·        It is not always easy to detect if your child has been sexually abused or not. The signs are often clouded #MySexuality

·        This is largely because a lot of the perpetrators of child abuse are people the parent ‘know and trust’ #MySexuality

·        It is however up to you to know your child enough to realize when something seems off about them #MySexuality

·        Look out for signs like bloody underwear/clothes, difficulty in walking/sitting #MySexuality

·        Signs like itchiness or burning in the genital areas, frequent occurrence of urinary tract infections #MySexuality

·        Other signs are withdrawal from people, depression, cringing when you want to touch them #MySexuality

·        Sudden bed-wetting, nightmares, aggression, regressive behaviours, truancy, suicidal signs #MySexuality

·        If you discover any of these signs, please please please, dialogue with your child gently #MySexuality

·        Sometimes, it might be a false alarm which has nothing to do with child sexual abuse, but more often than not, IT IS JUST THAT ‪#MySexuality

·        Also take them to a hospital to get them checked properly and do not leave them alone during examination by a doctor #MySexuality

·        I have heard (experienced) male doctors trying to get fresh with young female patients & then lying to their parents afterwards #MySexuality

·        After being rebuffed, they would tell the parents lies about the young patients. Parents, please learn to believe your children #MySexuality

·        As a parent, you CANNOT BE TOO CAREFUL in protecting your children . I'd rather be paranoid than nonchallant/careless #MySexuality

·        The more you trust and believe your kids, the less the chances of them being preyed on. They know momma/dada's got their backs #MySexuality

·        The more you trust and believe your kids, the less the chances of them being preyed on. #MySexuality

·        You must keep a constant communication channel between yourself and your children, always. #MySexuality

·        So many parents have absolutely NO idea that at some point or the other, their children have been abused sexually #MySexuality

·        I know because I have carried out researches on this and the figures are worrisome, I tell you. WORRISOME. #MySexuality

·        I hope my tweets tonight would have helped & prevented at least ONE child from being sexually abused and ONE parent to be wary #MySexuality

·        Thank you for your time. May God watch over us all as we watch over ourselves and kids. So many parents have absolutely NO idea that at some point or the other, their children have been abused sexually #MySexuality



Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Join Me Tonight...... #MySexuality





Today @_MySexuality continues last week's topic Child Sexual Abuse, with Buki Otuyemi @survivor17 . Time 10pm..Don't miss it  #MySexuality

Our guest tonight is none other than (yours truly;) Buki Otuyemi @survivor17 who is a strong voice against rape and other sexual abuses. #MySexuality

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So there you have it, my dearest blog-visitors, kindly join me tonight and use the hashtag #MySexuality as I will be tweeting about the above topic. See you then. :)

Can Our Government Make This Work Here?



I came across the video below online last week and I have been pondering over it. It's an amazing new concrete which "drinks up" water and can absorb gallons of it at a time.  According to the video, "the concrete has been designed to be a super-absorbent surface covering that allows water to seep through it rather than sitting on top in an attempt to combat flooding".

Could this be the solution to our flooding problems in Nigeria? Can they channel drains beneath the concrete or where exactly does the water go to?

Perhaps someone from our Ministry for Environment can take a closer look into this and see if it is doable. 

I'd have thought Lafarge Nigeria or even Dangote Cement would be all over this like a rash sef. Hmmmmn.




Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetec... 

Monday, 28 September 2015

What I Got Up To..... (6)



Whooooooosh!!!! What a long weekend I had, thanks to the Muslim holidays which started on Thursday. I had been longing for a holiday and was willing to take anything at this point. LOL. Please let me know where I can win a free luxury holiday ooooooooooo.

Look how chuffed I was on Wednesday at the prospect of the holidays. Hehe


Selfie with a colleague. very smart, fine young man. :)

My troops came barging into my room on Thursday morning, jumping on my bed and lying on my head despite the vast amount of space on the bed. -_- Even they were in the holiday mood so I had no choice but to get up and start preparing. We had made plans to visit some friends in Ajah and then go to our family friends' place in Lekki to spend the night. It was a fun outing overall, catching up, cooking, gisting, laughing, etc. The company was amazing I tell you and I'm glad the whole family got to hang out. My daughter did make a fuss on Thursday night when she realized we were not spending the night at home and it took a while to calm her down and convince her of how much fun she would have. I guess it goes to prove that they need to get out more. Hmmmn.

We all gisted late into the night. The Olanubi's are simply unique and awesome. The next day was even more fun because we took a tour of their new school property in Lekki and I am so excited at the thought of the opening. You see, Busola is a sweet caring lady and one of the most intelligent people I have ever come across. We were course mates during our Masters course in Human Resource Management in Luton in 2006. I remember it was through her I discovered the African store in Luton after months of suffering and surviving on only oyinbo food, lol. She's proven herself  over and over to be super smart and very strong. Her lovely mum has owned a school in Ondo State for decades and she's still going amazingly strong so I have no doubt her school would be a huge success. When the time comes, I will be putting up posts about the school so be prepared o. :)

After we left the school, her hubby took us out for a drive around the area to view the landscape, new building/estates sprouting up, and to chill for a bit at the beach. I love beaches so much that I ran straight into the water and splashed about. I also picked some shells for our children. 
Mammywater be like...... lol

After we left the island on Friday, we drove straight to Opic estate to another family friend's place. They had a barbecue get-together for us, no it wasn't our anniversary or birthdays. They are just wonderful people like that. #MyFriendsAreCoolerThanYours LOL. We headed home afterwards, tired but very happy at the turn of events.

I spent Saturday at the salon making my hair, largely because I missed out on my spa treatment. I need a massage so badly. Got back home and spent time with my troops before having an early night rest.

My Sunday was pretty packed. First of all I had to go to the Sunday market early in the morning, after which I rushed back home to sort out my shopping and some cooking before rushing to dress up and hooking up with my friends. It was our friend's dad's 10th year remembrance and we turned up for her big time. (Yup, that's how my crew and I roll ;) Afterwards, my friends and I paid a brief visit to my parents and of course we were able to get some yummy and delicious carrot cakes out of my brother, the Cake Mayor. :)





Fav & Fab


Fav & Fab

I got home on Sunday really happy but very tired. It had been a wonderful holiday and I was really happy about it. I slept off almost immediately my head hit the pillow, lol. 

So here I am, on my way to work, happy and rested (yes, I did rest desspite of my wakajugbe, lol). I am ready to take on the new week (and it has everything to do with the fact that we have a holiday on Thursday. Yup, Nigeria would be celebrating her 55th Independence Day and it is a public holiday. Don't think I'm lazy o, I work hard and play hard, that's all. :) 

While I lived abroad, I always marveled at the number of public holidays Nigerians enjoy annually. It did  not make much sense to me then but since moving back and living in the stressful convention, I don't think we have enough public holidays sef. LOL These holidays are stress-relievers, I tell you.


Do have a wonderful week ahead and remember to reach out to the needy around you by being #AllHeartsAlways. Love you all.


p.s. I would be having a give-away before the week runs out. Brace yourselves........ :) 



Sunday, 27 September 2015

While Life Happened



Hello everyone, how's your weekend been? I came across this picture on Twitter and I was moved by it because it clearly shows how far apart generations have become with technology. This picture was presumably taken a few days ago while the Pope visited the United States of America. Loads of people came out to the streets to catch a glimpse of him and he was driven past (in a cute Fiat for that matter;) and amidst the anticipation of seeing him and preserving the memory of his visit, many people were glued to their phones while this dear old woman stood out because she came to see the Pope with her own eyes and not through the eyes of a lens. 

This generation is all about capturing everything around us on our cellphones, which is not so bad sometimes but surely not every time and everywhere. We would only end up missing out on so much in life if we keep up this way.

So live, love, cherish, smile, help, laugh, dance, jump, and just keep living well for each moment. Have a lovely Sunday.

Friday, 25 September 2015

#DearBuki: My Son Might Not Be Mine.




Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on bukiotuyemi@gmail.com and we will put heads together. Check out the first post here , the second one here , the third one here , the fourth one here and the fifth one here.

As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved. :)

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Dear Buki, I like the matured and impartial way you have been responding to the issues brought to your attention through your blog. I follow you on twitter as well and I have seen you tackle issues with wisdom. I am a keen admirer of smart women like you and this is part of why I have chosen to send in my story and seek advice. 

Buki, I have a problem that is threatening to destroy my home and my mind. I have a suspicion that my first child might not be mine. I have been married for 5 years and we have 2 children between us. I love my wife so much but she betrayed the trust I have in her some months ago. She confessed to me that she had a child when she was much younger but did not tell me because she was afraid of losing me. The child is being raised by her mother and she has never participated in his upbringing besides sending money for his upkeep. I mean, what sort of person forgets to mention such vital information to their spouse before getting married and then waits for  four years afterwards before coming clean?

I felt so pained and disappointed in her and I still feel the same way. Who is this woman I have had by my side and given my all to for the past 5 years? No one in her family deemed it fit to mention the small fact that she had a child to me.  The discovery almost made me lose my mind but I overcame.
They have all been pleading with me to understand and be forgiving and God knows I have been trying to forgive her and continue with this marriage.

Well, the issue now is that my mind is playing tricks on me as I think I can see a resemblance between our first child and her first child. I know it is probably just paranoia but how can I even be sure and how can I handle this situation without rocking my children's worlds? I cannot even tell my family members or friends about these issues and suspicions because I know what their reaction would be.

Thanks.

Lami


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Dear Lami, thanks for getting in touch for my input. Hmmmn, it is quite a dilemma you're in. For a person to hide such vital information from their spouse makes me want to question their character. She should have come clean about her child from the onset, rather than confess years later. I am curious as to what made her come clean when she did. Is it that she feels more comfortable that you could handle the revelation when she 'fessed up rather than prior? Or was she being threatened/blackmailed/coerced into doing so? 


I really like the fact that you are kind enough to forgive her indiscretion and tried to get past it. It is however expected that doubts would rise every now and then because of the seed of dishonesty she has sown. The both of you need to see a proper marriage counsellor if you really want to make this work. I will enquire and pass on the information to you via email. I also think you need to sit her down and let her know what your concerns are. Perhaps taking a DNA test would allay your fears and help you move forward better and quicker. There are some pretty good DNA centres in Lagos and it takes about 10 days for the results to come back. They are 99% accurate, so have no fear.

I understand your reluctance in sharing the betrayal with your family members because they will most likely be less tolerable of her. It takes a really mature mind to do this and it proves that you still care about her deeply enough to protect her reputation with them. Keep it this way for a bit more until the DNA results come back and even afterwards unless there's no way to salvage your marriage.

I am really sorry for your troubles and I hope you can resolve all the issues as quickly as possible.

All the best Lami.

Buki O.